Re: - 2012 Planner - C. W. Howard

**Twist-Of-Fate** Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:35 pm

RULES TEN to FIFTEEN??? (2013)

I KNOW THAT ONCE YOU'RE OVER TEN, WHY BOTHER?
Dare I say that I have over stepped every mark I made...
1. I touched her - nothing intimate, but I'd do it again given the chance.
A slightly intimidating concept.
2. I fed - the most gratifying, relieving and overwhelming feed I have EVER had.
I am no longer in pain, and though the quenched, satisfied feeling fades in a couple
or hours, its better than nothing and the feeding is as exhilarating as I remembered.
3. After much hard work on my part, and delving into ancient Vamperic law, I have found
and opened a loop hole.... She is now 'my fledgling again' though she never wasn't biologically,
physically, on paper she wasn't - and hey, that's important to a guy like me.
Not just that though, MY FLEDGLING and LIVING with me AGAIN.

RULES OF FEEDING AND INTIMACY
10. NO LOOKING /TOO/ LONGINGLY, THIRSTILY
No staring has been banished, its almost impossible to hold a convocation and NOT stare.

11. NO INTENTIONAL (SNIFFING) DEEP BREATHING
Speaks for itself, it only makes me thirstier, and sometimes slightly painful if I haven't in a while.

12. NO GIVING BLOOD- NO LETTING HER FEED FROM ME
Dangerously close to nesting, nesting involved sexual activties which are of course a no go

13. NO SLEEPING TOGETHER
No sleeping (not intimacy, actually sleeping) in the same bed.

14. NO STALKING
14.1 - No following her
14.2 - No pestering her for blood
14.3 - No being over protective and asking what she has been doing 24/7

15. (Might go without saying) NO INTERMACY
15.1 -No holding/Cuddling
15.2 -No kissing
15.3-No intercourse
Twice was enough.
Twice? I never really thought about how little it happened during seven months...
That speaks volumes about my libido, another failing that comes with my wonderful disorder.
Still it should make this rule easier to abide by.

As far as these rules go, I guess I cannot say they are set in stone.
I may not be able to resist certain things on this list...
We shall see
Karou is back in my life, for better or worse, I just have to see how things
will change, or if they will at all. If we can JUST be friends, room mates, fledgling and sire...

**Twist-Of-Fate** Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:04 pm

The Beginning... The Middle and The End (2013)

Many people say that we come into this world alone, when they say 'WE'they generally mean ALL.
Though this, I have found, is not the case.
Admitted most of us arrive alone, except for the occasional twin or other 'uplets',
but even so it is still true that as soon as we arrive we are met by a vast number of faces.

Be it your Mother and Father, or just one of your parents.
Many family members - Siblings, friends of your parents.
Mostly there are Doctors, Nurses or wet-maids.
But we are not alone, right from the start.

We, (meaning ALL,) don't get to choose how we arrive, but we do get to choose how we go about 'being'.
Being a live, and if we are lucky we get to choose how we go out.
Not how we die, but at least who is with us when the time comes, the things we have the joy or the
disappointment of remembering. And, how much dignity we have left at the end of that long treacherous journey.

I am currently thinking about my 'being'.
...About mistakes and successes...

What do I want to be when I go out,
who do I want, need to be there with me?

**Twist-Of-Fate** Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:19 pm

PREDATORS (2013)

There is a wolf in the castle, a thirsty man - not thirsty for blood.
No, thirsty for lust. I shudder...
I have the so called 'pleasure' of being his council, being his friend even.
Unfortunately, I am actually his friend, even though he is probably,
and surprisingly, more stunted than I am.

Though back on topic - seeing as the one he is lusting for
is MY fledgling it is so much less than pleasant.

He starts topics about her just to rile me, I am sure of it...
I even start to doubt my own intentions once he starts talking about 'HER'.
The way he defiles her with his words, it makes my blood boil, I am seething...

I can't get this thought out of my head though:
Am I the one being inappropriately over-protective?
Or, is this sire-hood. Or is this ...jealousy...?
I have it straight in my head, but sometimes I faulter, in those moments
when I am fit to burst, the way fondles her in his mind, his vocalisation
of his 'fondness'...
I know MY intentions, I have laid them out, only a few entries ago.
_____________________________________________
On the topic of intentions, its actually hers that are questionable.
I don't want to go into it, but she is acting very... very much like her
old self. Like before 'the break up', its haunting and sometimes I admit,
slightly painful.
Painful, and teetering on pleasurable.

I don't want to give in...
Don't let me give in...

**Twist-Of-Fate** Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:19 pm

BLUE ASH (2013)

The flight was comfortable enough, and I managed to get our assigned seats - across an isle.
The 11 hours slipped past pretty quickly, though I didn't sleep at all, planes - the atmosphere
it unsettles me, there is something so unnatural about flying. Odd that, coming from someone
as unnaturally Vamperic as myself. No matter.

Ah the Castle, my home. Karou's face was a joy to behold as she walked through the doors.
She feels comfortable here it seems, this pleases me seeing as I do as well.
Heading up to the conservatory, it soon became clear from the note left by Roman, that
Karou was to take his cabin... So very suspicious seeing as only his 'mistresses' are ever
housed there. Karou enlightened me to the fact that she stayed there her whole time, on her
last visit. I admit that the thought of that disturbed me somewhat. In somewhat of an 'un-sirely'
manner, it got to me.
______________________________________________________________
Apparently all is well, and she is settled back into HIS Cabin, whilst I sit here at my desk, in my office.
In my home, on top of the most beautiful, cold and harsh mountain. I am so comfortable here,
it shall be nice to have an escape from the over sized office that is my our unit.
Karou hasn't seen the place, I am dubious as to how she will judge it, this is a very personal
habitat to me, and its rather revealing of my character... I anticipate her face.

**Twist-Of-Fate** Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:45 pm

ENTRY 1 - BLUE-ASH (2013)

Hmmm THIS couch is not as comfortable as I remember. Although I have slept far too late...
It's around 10pm. Though I shall take a moment to write about yesterday.
________________________________________________________________________
Firstly, I took a long walk around the castle, saw many many familiar faces.
Many many, familiar places, some of my favorite places I lingered a while.
Like the Balcony, I almost wish I hadn't in foresight.
I had a brush with Roman Black, on any other terms it would have been
a pleasure to see him, to yesterday all he wanted to talk about was Karou... Yes, Karou.
Not that I dislike the topic of my fledgling (Now that she is most unregrettably mine again) but his
particular questions where of a probing and personal nature, things I doubt I should be disclosing
about her, and so as a gentlemen I didn't. They were also about myself... seeing as he was asking
about her past relations, sexual relations.
//Since when is that any of his business anyway???//
It wouldn't even be mine if it weren't for our first seven months together....

Needless to say I got a little defensive and the heat of our 'Convocation' rose, until it blossomed into
an full blown, screaming argument.
Things I rarely have and rarely loose...
As his advisor I advise him not to push my buttons in the future... Would appear she is a button on mine.
________________________________________________________________________

Speaking of Karou, she gets lost in the Castle! Would you believe having lived here for almost 2 months
wasn't long enough to figure out how to get from A to B in this place. Ha she is such a clutz when it comes
to navigation and spacial awareness... it's undeniably adorable.
I told her to call me if she got lost, I told her I'd always come find her. Something about her expression after
I had said that told me she was thinking of the same instance I was.... when I told her the same thing when
circumstances between us where much different.

Reminiscing never hurt anyone, at least no fatally...
________________________________________________________________________
She called, and I ran. Ran to find her sat in the lower lounge of my stairwell....
Typical! She was merely 'TESTING' Psh....

Oh! But her face when I took up to my penthouse, it really was a picture.
Shocked as I had thought, that THIS was my natural environment.
She assumed I adored blue, and modern things... How wrong! The Unit, is merely an overgrown office - I explained.
THANK GOD, for the escape from that place. I was dying for a break.

The reason for me being on my couch however, is because Karou is in my bed...
The results of the evening go as follows : I was too damn tired to walk the lost
girl back to HIS Cabin.

I don't think I have ever had a woman in my bed here, its rather unsettling....
Though I am not in it with her, so no matter.
Now, I must work. Business as usual...

**Twist-Of-Fate** Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:56 pm

ENTRY 2 - BLUE-ASH (2013)

It is pleasant having her around my penthouse, it seems she isn't too comfortable in HIS Cabin.
Feels like she is being watched, no wonder.... little does she know but she IS, Being Watched.
By Roman's personal security spy camera: Abel. His 'dead' uncle lurks the castle, in the walls always watching.

I think I shall be keeping her here with me, away from prying eyes. She has been watched too much.
By Cambria and those evil spying eyes on her palms. Which are now gone thanks to a certain Dr Zevzdanov.
Speaking of which she is planning to visit us here. A pleasant visit I hope, not business. I do hope she doesn't
want something from the Davikov, or a request from The Circle. I am NOT here to work, to ADVISE.

I am avoiding Roman. Avoiding work.
No longer avoiding Karou... Seems she likes sitting in my lap as much as she used to.
I am still not sure how I feel about that.
__________________________________________________________________________________
[A add on to the entry, later in the day]

I was so incredibly thirsty. Now- not so much. I fed... from Karou... again....
Hm I shouldn't feel this bad about it, it isn't uncommon for sires to share blood with their
fledglings, just not necks. But we have always fed that way!
Maybe I can bend that expectation, that guideline of sire-hood.

**Twist-Of-Fate** Tue Mar 12, 2013 5:17 pm

ENTRY 3 - BLUE-ASH (2013)

I have betrayed myself, and all of my personal expectations of my self restraint.

Hmmm I forgot how comfortable this bed is! Seeing as how I was writing about it in my last entry,
and how I have never had a woman in this bed WITH ME, I can now draw a line through that.
SLEEPING. JUST SLEEPING. Still though, it seems overly familiar and comfortable to wake up to her
coiled around me, fast asleep, her hair all over her face, eyes closed and mumbling nothings as she dreams.
Could this place feel more like home? : that is all I could think....
Utter betrayal of my own wandering mind.

Iliya is arriving today, I shall write later.
______________________________________________________________________
[Another Entry later on in the day]

I would say it was nice to see Iliya, but she just turned into my shrink... for once she didn't put my mind at ease.
Instead, she have me food for thought, now my mind goes on a wander. Over-thinking everything as always.

All things aside I also saw Cambria, seems I shall have work to do, she needs me to convince Roman of something.
Something that will help her cause, pity she didn't come to me first so I could prep him for her meeting with him
Now he will be on his guard about the matter of a so called 'Krusnik Army' sent from hell to destroy all Vampires.
Ah well... nothing like a days hard work.

If only I wasn't distracted by Iliya's seed... Am I too old to be thinking of Karou like I do...
I didn't come to Blue Ash with intentions, but hers are clear and mine are unfortunately followed
suit against my will.
Iliyas response to Romans thoughts, opinions and inappropriate behavior towards Karou, was his age.
HIS AGE? I am not that much younger , what about MY AGE?
130 something VS 108. Apparently what century you're born in matters.
So does, my upbringing, the fact I was brought up.
The fact I was trained to be a pure-blood like Roman... the fact I am not a pure-blood.
ALL MATTERS.

But I can't help but wonder, does she care about my age? Deep down does it bother her,
like its bothering me...

**Twist-Of-Fate** Tue Mar 12, 2013 5:28 pm

ENTRY 4 - BLUE-ASH (2013)

I ask and she answers. ALWAYS. Honestly, as honestly as you can get. That is how she answers.
I let her feed from me, for the first time since she left before Iliya came, I never thought it would escalate to
a kiss a day later. More than a kiss really, but I'd rather not detail that...

It would seem my age doesn't matter to her. Thankfully.
Iliya knows of our antics much to Karou's embarrassment. I wouldn't have told her so soon, but she dropped around
to see us early the morning after, we hadn't had time to clear our scattered clothes from the lounge, she seemed to
catch onto something from my hasty secret cleaning and twitching nervous disposition.... Aw well I am a dead give
away, to her anyway, my shrink, my friend - Dr Iliya Zvezdanov.
She knows how I felt, how I feel about Karou, so its only natural she can read my reactions like a audio book.

I am not ashamed. I am NOT just her sire, I never was, I am glad I can stop pretending.
I am going to the Compound with a new outlook, though I do have one stipulation:
NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT US!
I think we might have worked out better last time if her hadn't, if I hadn't had so much outside pressure.
Karou understands how I feel about public displays, so I think its best to keep THIS behind the closed doors of our unit.
Besides, I have promised to bring her back to the Castle as frequent as my work allows.
We both love it here, our other home. OUR HOME, not OUR overgrown office 'Unit'

**Twist-Of-Fate** Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:42 pm

The Compound - Returned 2013

Flying through the night makes the long journey so much easier to deal with.
I slept the whole flight, save for 20 minuets towards the end of our decent into Montana.
(Karou slept well too, I woke a few times to find her asleep against my arm, the cool air from
the over head fan blew over her hair, the scent was perhaps why I slept so well.)
________________________________________________________________________________________
Having arrived 'back at the office' I left her in the common room whilst I unpacked out things.
I have left my navy jacket at the castle, I am rather displeased about that...
Karou seems to have come back with more things- I didn't buy them, I wonder where she got them?
Maybe I shouldn't have been in her underwear drawer, but I couldn't help but notice, after all ... I was 'unpacking'.

I have been thinking about moving my office back into the Unit, but if anyone where to visit,
it might be a dead give-away that we are sleeping together again. I admit, just in case someone
drops by I do go and ruffle her bedsheets - even though she hasn't slept there in over 3 days.
Paranoia again...
Still at least I am sleeping. Very well, I am sleeping very well.

I have a few loose ends to tie up, more work...
Rolling in cash and I don't get a moments peace.

I wan't to teach Karou piano, we started before we left.
We didn't get a chance whilst in Blue-Ash. I think the instrument suites her,
and of course its a good way to spend time together.

**Twist-Of-Fate** Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:58 pm

The Study? 2013

Four tireless days of hard work! ANOTHER Lycan attack in Lockwood has filled my planner with appointments.
The Press/Media wanting to know from the IVG about their view.... Why should they care?
'What is your Covens view on this attack, your races sworn enemies are stirring violence in despite of
your peaceful cause. How does this threaten your Coven and their plans?'

We have no view: NO COMMENT -
(Always a perfect diplomatic excuse for; None of your fucking business.)
Sworn enemies? Not since the Dark Ages...
Plans? Who said we have plans?

It's as though they know that everyone is planning SOMETHING. They should be looking at certain celestial's...
No names mentioned but CAMBRIA MORNINGSTAR comes to mind. Ask HER about HER master plan to save the world!?
Roman couldn't care less about her cause... which just means more hard work for me. That man is so idiotically stubborn.
Sticking to your guns is by all means a good thing - IF YOU'RE CAUSE ISN'T BASED ON MERE DISLIKE....
So unprofessional about the most professional things, its infuriating.
______________________________________________________________________
Work aside; I have settled back into the swing of things back here at the compound rather well.
I merely assume Karou has, I haven't seen her much. Disappointing. I thought she would
have paid me more visits. Admitted she is distracting to me, but at least it makes her feel better.
She doesn't feel so lonely or isolate if she comes and sits with me for a few hours.
Naturally, alone time doesn't GET TO ME. I barely notice it, before I realise 3 days have gone by and I haven't
fed, slept, or spoke to a living soul - only via telephone or E-mail.
______________________________________________________________________
Having taken a beak I took to the compound common rooms lounge. To read.
The newspaper as always is full of meaningless news about 'OUR PREDICAMENT'
A crossword is as always amusing, actually this one was rather challenging...
Based on fiction authors it of course wasn't my forte. I did complete it though, eventually.

Karou joined me after a while, we didn't get too long alone together until we were interrupted by Iliya.
Not that her interruption was unpleasant, she is the only 'friend' I have here. Not JUST a friend either.
My shrink - a standing joke between us. She isn't actually my shrink I don't pay her for sessions.
Though that may soon change.
She brought up the topic of a study. To study ME. I may have jumped at the idea a little too willingly,
but I have sought for someone I trust enough to figure me out for such a long while....
I need to know, I need to know why I am like I am.
Iliya Zvezdanov is the perfect person for that, there is no one else I would rather let in, and her track
record is impeccable.

SO LET THE STUDY BEGIN!

**Twist-Of-Fate** Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:55 pm

- Study Session Number One - 2013

:A contract has been drawn up and signed by both parties: Dr Iliya Zvezdanov,
and Study participant (Myself) Mr C .Warren Howard.:

[MORNING ENTRY- JUST AFTER HIS SESSION WITH ILIYA]
Iliya has agreed to her terms which is pleasing, and has settled the few nerves I had about this study.
I have never been a fan therapy sessions, though at least I am merely talking to friend.

As soon as the contract was signed I was eager to start, get a taste of what this is going to be like.
Not only is she going to talk to me, she also wants to watch me. Watch how I interact with people.
I am going to have to interact with more people by the looks of things, I very rarely talk to anyone other
than Karou and Iliya herself.
_________________________________________________________________
Most of the session was taken up talking about my family:
My Mother: Gracey-Anne. - Water elemental, loving mother, protector.
My Father: Harry - Drunken imbaciel
My Brother: Robby - Homosexual. Adored elder brother and best friend.

I knew they would come up, makes sense to start at the beginning. I know for certain my past has made my
present the way it is, made me the way I am.
My fathers disappointment in me, in my gift. His prejudice against his wife, my mother - for being a water elemental,
and giving my gift. At least he couldn't blame my mother for the way Robby was, a homosexual, though he tried a
few times.
I think I was open enough with Iliya about how I felt, though I did find it hard to articulate.
My down fall is describing how I feel, and she kept asking 'how do you feel about that?' Such a hard question
for me to answer. We have taken to using the weather as a metaphor or colors. Its primal but its helpful.

I am trying not to think over our sessions too much, I don't want to over think things and have that effect
my answers next time. I have to be truthful if she is going to get reliable results, and if I am going to get anything
out of this.
_________________________________________________________________
[AN ENTRY LATER ON IN THE EVENING - AFTER KAROU RETURNED TO THE UNIT]

It would seem that after my session this morning I have quite been put off work, Thanks to a certain Miss Morgan.
All in all, the session went very well, Iliya already has a few theories about why I have my condition.
I am not here to write about my interview with Dr Zvezdanov at the moment, however.

Karou left during our session, I found it unnerving, I had hoped she would stay- Oddly it made it more
difficult to talk about my past. I guess she left because she knows it all already. Must be a boring topic for her.
I hope not though, I am certainly interested in her past. It made her who she is now and I am definitely interested in that.

It's around 6PM and we have laid on the couch ALL DAY. I am rather enjoying myself truth be told...
I think it all started after she sat back down and Iliya left.
I had been thirsty for a while but she took it upon herself to tease me.
Displaying her neck and the like, she knows I find is very hard to resist.
This time, it was too hard to.
Funny hat she chose today to be flirtatious... Apparently I am having one of THOSE days.
Those days when the feeling takes me and one thing leads to another... and here we are,
wrapped up in our bed-sheet on our couch after an afternoon of delights.
She has fallen asleep, that sort of thing can make you sleepy I s'pose.
Hence I have time to write.

I don't think anyone (other than Iliya) in the compound knows about us yet, about a reunion.
I'd like to keep it that way, honestly. It is so much easier to love her in private.
No on looking eyes to judge me, how I behave how I lack the ability to show public affection...
Perhaps these will always be insecurities of mine, or maybe Iliya can help me?

**Twist-Of-Fate** Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:19 am

- RETHINK: Study Session Number Two - 2013

Reading back over my last entry is has been a while since I wrote. We have had several
other sessions since the first one. Talked over other topics, from my early life, to my time in Paris -
Camile and Ellis.
It was hard having to talk about my feelings for Camile, how much it still hurts to think about
what I lost in her, and gave away when I decided to fly with Ellis.
________________________________________________________________________________
Defiantly the most significant mistake of my life - giving up my life...
Though I still cannot help but wonder;
On the night that I met Ellis, if by some miracle I could go back and be the man that
I am now, the man I have become over those some 40 or so years.
If I knew I how my life would play out from that first Hello.
If I knew I would one day be where I am now.
If I knew I would become who I am now.
If I knew I would one day meet Karou, in the forest in 2012...

Would I have still walked away from Camile, my engagement, my wedding,
my children and my old age and chosen Ellis?
Would I have been able to give that up knowing I would go through all of what was to come;
- Siring, Injury, learning how to walk again, Breaking, Black Winter training,
Murders guilt, Re-breaking, My nervous breakdown, Depression - suffering my
disorder,Ssever loneliness - and success - just to meet Miss Karou Irena Morgan.

Since the last few Sessions with Iliya, I have decided to take Karou to Paris,
I want her to see where I lived most of my life before I met her, after I returned from my training in Blue Ash.
I also have a few things to tie up, a few good byes to say, and as always work;
a few new clients that have decided to buy into the blood market.
A smart investment on their part considering the price of Celestial blood is constantly rising...
I am sure Karou will be interested to meet some Orinia, they are not so different from herself.
Well these two sit on the more angelic side of the scale, I believe their mother was a fallen.
________________________________________________________________________________
- VACATION IN PARIS - 2013

We are only here for a week or at least that is what I scheduled. We have managed to
waste three days of this vacation on a romantic introduction to the city. It seems to romantic,
lusty atmosphere of Paris has had an impression on us. Locked away in the penthouse, as
pleasant as it is, is distracting from why we are here.
I may have to extend our stay.

I am sure Karou will want to at least be a tourist for a few days, there is so much to see.
I admit I also feel slightly guilty for neglecting Iliya, we brought her with us for the sake of
our study. I think that tomorrow I shall arrange another session with her, she must have holes
she would like to fill.

**Twist-Of-Fate** Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:16 pm

- DAY 3 - VACATION IN PARIS - 2013

An eventful evening, I am glad to be back in the safety of the Penthouse.
Taking Karou to a restaurant was:
A. A good way to get out of the Hotel
B. A good way to start seeing Paris after several lazy days in bed
C.A good way to try the fine French cuisine

Although we didn't eat, we didn't walk around the streets - a pleasant evening stroll
a planned, instead I humoured my darker side and got Karou ridiculously drunk and took her
back to the hotel.
Only to discover that she turns into a typical 21st century 13 year old...when intoxicated...
I admit I was slightly disappointed in the fact that I had hoped her flirtatious behavior
would assimilate something more similar to... seductive temptress,
whilst instead I get a giggling, uncoordinated adolescent, who finds my taste in women's
lingerie amusing.
Obviously she wasn't taking my grande old age into account at that moment, when I was
of courting age a woman didn't leave the house without wearing stockings...
Naturally I find them alluring... especially at the prospect of disrobing...
_______________________________________________________________________________
Needless to say I didn't abuse the situation.
She has fallen asleep now, I have tucked her up in bed I envisage she is going to have a
marvellously evil hangover in the morning, waking up after too much wine is never the
most pleasant start to a day.

- DAY 4 - VACATION IN PARIS - 2013

Inevitably I didn't sleep, at least not in bed and not for the whole night.
I napped a while in the chair, I am once again writing in now.

After an eventful evening of yesterday, today has all but matched it in its own events.
Karou woke with quiet an impressive hangover, a head ache to match.
I seemed to distract her long enough to get her into the shower- it seemed to ease her symptoms
given by what happened next. A very interesting morning...
Seems we never make it to a bedroom, or even close. I guess it makes it all the more exciting
and unconventional, like so many other factors of our relationship.

Which I still cannot give a name to.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Things started to go slightly down hill after that though, when Iliya arrived after we had dressed and tidied ourselves up.
Having decided to take her to Lunch with us, we could do our session whilst we were out.
It didn't end well, to say the least.
To say she is my shrink she seems to hold Karou's feelings above my own difficulties.
A rather ugly bias reaction from Iliya, caused somewhat of an argument between myself and Karou and the breakfast table.

There are things I cannot give Karou, certain things I think that someone in her position should take up
- she has been given a second chance at life, she she live it to the full whilst she can.
That is merely my view but apparently I am misinformed.

Karou is fortunate enough that even though she is Vamperic she might still be able to birth
children due to her heritage.
Yet, she wants to pass that up due to a dream.
Now isn't the right time to discuss any of that with her. So for now I won't push it again.
It is just immensely frustrating that she doesn't TALK TO ME...
I am not a man that can pick up on when she is hiding something or has something to tell me but can't.
I struggle with my own self, how am I expected to grasp someone else's feelings flawlessly?
I don't know about her dreams because she supposedly doesn't know HOW to tell me.
Doesn't she realise she can SHOW me, just like she does Iliya?

The eye of the storm has passed now, but it is something we need to talk about.
Our convocation in the car on the way back to the hotel from the cafe seemed to cool matters down.
The physical and mornings messing around in the shower isn't enough to hold us together.
Especially if we are going to get by, by lying to the Davikov and The Black Winter, during her training.
But with her closer, pulled up by the side of the road with her in my lap whilst in the drivers seat, we got to talk.
Talking is easier with her close, I know she can't run off then. There goes my over protective self again.

So many topic that need to be discussed have come up.
Maybe we ought to go home and have some time to think and discuss before we make our next move.

* Her move to Blue Ash - to train in the Black Winter
- Does she still want to train in the Black Winter?
- Why is she scared of the changes she'll have to make?
She'll become a better Vampire for them, she can make her way in the world
with a strong sense of who she is, and where she belongs. She'll for once be well grounded.

* Why doesn't she want children?
- Her dreams, what happen in them?
- How does this effect her choice?
I hope that I am not the reason she doesn't want children. Just because I cannot give that to her
doesn't mean I don't want her to have them, to move on from me, and just have me as her sire.
I am not going to disappear. To find someone more like her, to make new life with.
- She will still have the opportunity to sire even if she is a mother.

**Twist-Of-Fate** Sun Apr 21, 2013 8:58 am

- 'We come home, to nest a night and fly with the next dawn'
Times between now and then- 2013

It has been rather a long while since I felt the need to write, things have been so busy- inside my head.
A thousand star-like thoughts revealing themselves in the constellations of the bigger picture.

'Home' (Back to the Compound) from Paris; Karou is her usual self. I, not so much.
The session/argument on the cafe with Iliya was unsettling for me, she sowed a few seeds of truth,
a truth I perhaps haven't wanted to admit to myself. I see why I don't keep friends.
I plan to distance myself for now, until I have the time to think about a resolution.

Roman constantly calls for Karou, I can hear the disappointment in his voice when he hears that I have answered,
in her place. Only a small twinge of jealousy stings me, every time he makes his comments on her now. I guess I have
either grown used to it, or Paris as consummated something for me - a safe knowledge of something.
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His calls have persisted so long I think she has started to consider going.
Today she has decided that perhaps it is for the best, his offer wont remain open forever she says.
I however know different, he wants her, he'll ask until she gives in and she has.

her flight is booked, I'll drive her to the airport soon. I have already packed for her, she is so organized its
agonizing to watch her 'throw' her clothes into her case.

At least I know she will come back.

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